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Excuses …

I’ve been struggling the last few weeks over things I wanted to write about… admittedly, the whole blog-about-my-life experience is new to me.  I keep finding that I have about 1000 things going through my head at once – and there’s so many little things I could pick up on and share here.  But I pause because this topic needs some previous background I haven’t written about.  Or I think that one won’t make sense because I’m waaayyyy late in commenting.  Or (when I’m feeling especially sorry for myself) I tell myself that I don’t have many readers (and some of my best friends don’t even seem to realize this blog exists), so does it really matter what I write?  Or… my excuses just go on and on. 

Lying awake at 4:15 this morning (have I mentioned that sleep just doesn’t come much these days?), I started thinking about all those excuses again.  (Maybe that at least partially explains the not sleeping!)  And I circled back to where my thoughts were when I put fingers to keyboard the first time.  It’s not that my excuses don’t have some ground in reality.  Fact is, there’s a lot of background I haven’t recorded in type.  I am awfully busy and it often does take me a long time to gather thoughts on topics on which I want to comment.  And there are folks – even those I actually poke and prod a bit about it – that will never read my words.  But that wasn’t why I started this in the first place.

It’s about Sammy.  It’s about his journey.  It’s about his big brothers and their own journeys alongside him, as well as on their own.  It’s about what we’re doing, thinking, feeling, reading, researching … all along this path we’d never have chosen for anyone, but that we’re on nonetheless.  We never planned on having a child with autism.  The big boys never sat around thinking they’d be living in the special needs world.  We certainly didn’t think we were joining the fad or being fashionable.  (Really?  Don’t get me started on that one.  It’s one of those topics that I’m way late in commenting on, but just blows my mind to think any educated person could possibly believe anyone WANTS this diagnosis – or could be downright foolish enough to say it out loud – and in print!  Perhaps I’ll get to it soon, but for a great commentary on Dr. Allen Frances’s inane assertions, take a look at LJ Goes’s post for Age of Autism.)

So I decided I’m going to try to go back to the beginning for a bit and fill in the “prologue” to our journey.  Where did we start and how did we get to now?  I’m counting on it eliminating at least a couple of those excuses rattling through my head in the middle of the night.  Maybe I’ll even get a few more winks out of it…

One comment on “Excuses …

  1. It must be hard to have to adjust to a new life. You had a normal life with “normal” kids and then all of a sudden have the diagnosis of Autism on your lap. It doesn’t just change your life and your kids’ life, it changes all your relationships. It changes how you interact with friends and family and the public. As someone who works with Autistic kids, I can understand how difficult it can be, but will never fully understand unless I have a child with Autism myself.

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